R.E.S.P.E.C.T: Find out what it means to me.........

Yes mam, No mam, Yes sir, No sir, please, thank you, your welcome, and even Mr. and Mrs. What do all of these phrases, terms, words have in common? They are all terms that signify some level of respect and kindness. Unfortunately, they are also terms that seem to be becoming obsolete. When I was a child, my grandparents would have skinned me alive if I didn't use these phrases. For example, my calling their next door neighbor Doris versus Mrs. Slaughter (no, really this was her name and believe me this was one woman you did not want to tangle with under any circumstance) pretty much ensured that not only was I going to get a lecture from the neighbor but a severe tanning on my backside from my grandmother. As a side note, let me just say that according to today's standards, I suffered darn near child abuse when I was smaller. Do you think I ever once seriously considered calling child protective services? That's right, say it with me people, Nooooooooo! If I did, I wouldn't be here typing this post today. Ok back to the blog, the past rash of rude behavior that has occurred in the last week has been painful to watch. Even sadder is that the actions of Serena Williams, Joe Wilson, and Kanye West are just a snapshot of the lack of respect that occurs every minute of every single day in this country.



Now, I believe in free speech just like the next person. I also believe that people are ultimately responsible for their own actions and will have to answer for them one day (more on that in another blog), but when your speech and actions infringe on someone else's civil liberties, then Houston, we have a problem! More importantly, the individuals named in the above paragraph are in the public eye which means our children are watching them. Therefore, what does it say to little "George" when Serena Williams is cursing out a judge in the middle of a game? Does "George" think it's ok to talk back to his teacher when something doesn't go his way at school? or is it ok to call the principle a jerk to his face because Joe Wilson called the president a liar? Ultimately, it is up to each individual parent to explain why such actions are wrong and to explain why they won't be tolerated. However, we aren't doing an overall good job of teaching and displaying respect to our children, and let me just say that this isn't a problem that lies along racial lines. I am just as disgusted by a young black teen who has his pants hanging down around his knees as I am by the young white teen who curses at his mother in the middle of the store.



I look at the different generations around me including my own, and I often ask myself the question: who got it right? I can't help but think that the people in my parent's generation (Baby Boomers) lost their way when it comes to this whole idea of teaching respect (I am not saying each and every last Baby Boomer got it wrong, only the generation as a whole). In my earlier example, I said my grandparent's would have meted out punishment for my apparent lack of disrespect. You see, in my grandparent's generation calling an elder by his/her first name was offensive. My parents also didn't tolerate a lack of respect. However, for the Baby Boomers, I often feel like it was more about not being embarrassed by the fact that their children lacked manners. It was more about how other people saw them as parents. Our grandparents didn't care as much about how other people saw them (although, ultimately no one wanted to be the topic of gossip at the church bake sale or fish fry); they cared more about how we saw other people. Ultimately the question for them was: did we understand that we were not then nor would we ever be on our elders level? Baby Boomers were wonderful parents in that they were able to give their children so much more than they themselves ever had, yet in some ways so many of us in generation X and Y received so much less.



I think our grandparents had it right, and I think that it is time that we take some things back old school. My room mate often teases me about being "old" in my dealings with younger people. Although I am only 31, I don't expect those under 18 (and depending upon mental maturity, 21) to address me by my first name. I don't expect for your pants to be hanging off your behind when you are talking to me. I expect to hear a thank you when I have done something for you. I don't require young people to address me as "mam" when speaking to me, but I won't give a long lecture about how I'm too young to be addressed as "mam" if they do say it to me (your personal insecurities about your age should not be a reason to chastise young people who are trying to do the right thing and show a little respect). Bottom line, they need to understand that they are not on our level. Most importantly, we have to work on being the examples for our children when it comes to this issue of respect. We are all a work in progress when it comes to setting the example, but I believe that there are signs that my generation may be waking up, smelling the coffee, and starting anew which gives me hope for the next generation. Ultimately in my opinion, the greatest gift that we can give our children besides faith and education is a value system and a sense of self worth. It is not good people, the latest phone, car or video system.